|
 10:06 p.m. on 2002-09-21 Drunken yet sad mixed up words of confusion Sat Night Alone?Yes, it's true!Well, I am home alone on a Sat. night how fun. I am not in a good mood at all. I mean I am young, gay, cute, okay I am a great looking guy... the only problem is MY TOWN SUCKS ...I miss Louisville. I miss going on dates every night then coming home to scribble in my diary ever sexual detail so everyone on Diaryland might drool over my lucious cock and hard body... but those day's are over. Now, I am stuck in a over sized house in which nothing ever works and just recently not only did my central heating and air go out but half the electrical sockets in the house go out. In addition I constantly have to replace light bulbs. Anyway's yeah I gotta raw deal not only on the house but life. I sure hope I get that job in DC not only will I get the hell outta dodge but once again I can fuck my brains out until I catch a sexually transmitted disease. (I am not being serious about STD's they are something that I don't want to get and I practice safe sex w/ those I don't know) ...Okay I should be a little more cautious ...but why for some reason do I deep down inside want a std... depression is weird you begin to just eat away at yourself. I am not one of these psycho's that will shoot myself or harm anyone else. Anyway's... I will continue in the next paragraph.Well, I talked to Blake everyday this week... and yet we are still fuck buddies (lovely) Can I deal w/ it... well no (at least I am honest) Then why do I allow myself to be subjected to him like a piece of meat on special in a grocery store? To answer that question... Why do we have sex w/ people in the first place? For some odd reason we enstill a crave for sex... I blame it on porno's ...yep. If it wasn't for my teenage pals in high school watching porno's together I wouldn't be wanting to fuck everyone in the city. Okay, I really don't fuck that much ...rarely at that. My whole point to this story was is why do I crave men in non sexual forms. Truth is I think I like both sex's in a way . I want to make out w/ guy's and have a relationship w/ them as compared to females. Yes, some females turn me on but not to the point in which I wanna have sex w/ them or make w/ them. Well, does that mean I am bi-sexual? Does that mean I am mixed up? Does that mean this diary is becomming a triple x scene at the movies? No, at least I don't think so... The only reason I feel compeled to write about my crave for sexual variences is b/c someone I have been talking to on DiaryLand expresses the same thoughts I have. Oh my this has to be the most mixed up diary entries of all time. However, I am living up to my word that my diary is true and I will write what I feel and what I think and I refuse to be censored. Now, back on track about Blake. I want him just as I have alway's wanted any guy for a relationship not just sex. Why has the gay world (at least in my eyes and own eperiences) become so open. I mean yeah I like sex and I love cock and yes guy's have nice abs, butt's, ohhh my I love men. The point is I would much rather be in a relationship a loving relationship then have sex at all. I would kiss and fool around but NO SEX just to have a decent serious relationship. I have never gotten into a serious relationship and it's really starting to bother me it's really starting to suck. I am alway's used almost 90% of the time. Well, I am trapped again I want the boy but instead I'll have to settle for a midnight snack from time to time while he goes and hangs out w/ his buddies and all his boy toy's. Also, why the fuck am I stupid enough not to wear a condomn... do I want him to give me something so I can pin it on him and make him be with me...? Do I want a disease? No..no I don't think so I think it's just b/c of the risk involved and it makes sex more thrilling. Ohh well I will learn. Last night a bunch of my friends came over (straight and gay) and we all got really drunk. So well I came out w/ a drag show... I of course was the star Mrs. Veronica Yields and boy did I make a fool outta myself. I fell all the way down the stairs over a chair with my feet sprawled up in the air and my dress showing my cleavage to the whole wide world hahahaha. As for the drag show I was drunk so my make up was all smeary and I had stuffed animals for my boobies so I would pop one of every now and then and they would talk it was silly ...(and I got it on tape) yet I am soooo going to get rid of it. I shoulda took pictures at lesat for you guy's but didn't. Hey, I do want to update pics from time to time but I dont' have a server anyone know where I can get free server space?Tonight, I am sitting at home waiting for someone to come over if anybody while I drink some Jack Daniels Home Punch and Code Red Mountain Dew mixed (it's good) and then I'll probablly have a few bloody marry's. I know now why people are depressed it's small towns like these that turn gay people mad ...and bring the worst out of us. All I ask is you keep your trust and prayers w/ me as I grow and develop into this so non gay culture. Perhaps I'll make it thru these hard times or maybe I wont' ...what I do know is that I'll alway's have a friend online at the touch of a key.Prev - Next Drunken yet sad mixed up words of confusion - 2002-09-21 The job of a lifetime - 2002-09-20 Asslickingly Graphic in Nature - 2002-09-19  |
